Love Lost
by chibiathena
Summary: Warning, this fic contains a lot of suicidal themes, so if you're not comfortable with that, the don't read it. This story mainly focuses around Syaoran. SXS


**Title: "Love Lost"**   
Notes: Saaaa....Hope you like this fic. Just a word of warning, this fic contains suicidal themes, so if you don't like those kinds of fics, stop reading now. Oh yah, I never ever will own Card Captor Sakura and I did not write those lyrics. K? Now that that's cleared up, onto the fic.   
bold = lyrics   
".." = speaking   
'italics' = thoughts   
bold = flashback   
  
  
  
  


Pain, that was all he felt. In his dark room lit up only by a shaft of light provided by the full moon,Syaoran laid on his bed. All the while clutching onto the pastel pink letter with the delicate gold letterings as if it was the only keeping him afloat upon a sea of sorrow.

  


In an attempt to escape from the visions of days past, he stood and reached for the dagger which he kept under his pillow in the case of an emergency. While clutching the letter in his left hand, Syaoran held the dagger in the small area in which the light of the moon filtered through. Examining the intricate designs of dragons flying high above the clouds, he unconciously dropped the letter on his bedroom floor. Slowly, ever so slowly, as if in a trance, Syaoran unsheathed the dagger, angling it so that it would catch the light of the moon. Mesmorizing. The light glinting off the sharp edge of the dagger had no effect on him as he watched it with sad eyes.

  
**flashback**   


"Ne, Syaoran-chan..." Sakura quietly asked with her head bowed, bangs covering her face. "Hmmm..?" Syaoran gazed silently up at the blue sky for a moment before looking down to gaze at the top of his lover's head. Sparkling emerald green eyes looked up and met the gentle gaze of soft amber eyes. "We'll always be together right?" She asked with such seriousness that it startled him from his lethargic state. "Of course we'll always be together...Why do you ask?" Worried that Sakura might have had second thoughts about their engagement, he asked, "Are you having second thoughts about our engagement?"

  


"No, it's nothing like that. It's just...Well, lets say something happened to me-" "Are you dying?!" Syaoran looked so worried, that Sakura couldn't help but chuckle slightly. He felt the warmth of his blood rising to his cheeks. Embarassed, Syaoran let out a nervous chuckle. "So what is it really then?" he asked with one of his rare smiles. As if she was praying, Sakura bowed her head, "I'm...pregnant." She looked up to judge Syaoran's reaction, when she found his lips upon hers.

  
**end flashback**   


Putting the dagger down on top of the dark, glazed surface of the cherry wood table, he took his right hand and rolled up the left sleeve of his white, long sleeved, silk night shirt, which contrasted greatly with his tanned skin. After having rolled up his sleeve, he gazed contemplatively at the scars he received from his childhood training. Syaoran picked up the dagger with his right hand, and brought the gleaming edge of the blade closer and closer to his flesh.

  


Blood. Without any emotion, A quick, light slash to his upper arm proved true. Blood welled up, then flowed slowly down from the wound to his elbow, dripping down onto the floor and the letter. Again. Another slash to his arm, except it was lower than the previous cut. Again, and again, Syaoran slashed at his arm with the dagger, but now tears flowed down his face, sparkling in the moonlight.

  
**flashback**   


As Syaoran paced back and forth worriedly in front of the altar in the church, Yukito tried to calm him down with words of encouragement. "Syaoran-san, please calm down. Don't worry, brides are always late for their weddings." "Hmph. Maybe Sakura-chan finally realized that the brat wasn't the one." After Touya said this, he received a death glare from said 'brat.' Before Syaoran could reply however, Daidouji-san's, Tomoyo's mother, cell phone rang silencing the guests of the wedding. He couldn't hear what Daidouji-san was talking about, but it seemed like bad news. An overwhelming feeling emptiness suddenly filled his being. He suddenly realized that something was wrong with Sakura.

  


Syaoran noticed Daidouji-san end the call, stand up and walk towards him. A feeling of dread came over him and the others in the church. She came up to him, with a face contorted with grief. "Gomen nasai, Syaoran-san, but..." Tears started to form in her eyes. "It has to do with Sakura, doesn't it?" Worry laced his voice, and pain filled his eyes. Daidouji-san just nodded her head and said softly, "Sakura... Sakura was involved in a car accident. She's at the Tokyo General Hospital right now receiving treatment." Before she could say anymore however, Syaoran ran down the aisle and out of the church.

  
**end flashback**   


The carpet, and the letter was soaked crimson, from the blood flowing down his arm. Syaoran felt weak, dizzy from the loss of blood. His once snow white night clothes were now stained red from that which gives life. Syaoran sat down, hard, and smiled bitterly. That which sustains life can also take it away.

  
**flashback**   


The words said by the doctor left him shocked. Those two damnable words that destroyed his very being. "I'm sorry."

  
**end flashback**   


Syaoran looked down at his bloodied arm. The more recent wounds were still flowing slowly with blood. The older wounds however, stopped bleeding and the blood surrounding the wounds dried into a sickly brown color. His skin, under the coating of blood, were noticeably pale even with his tan. Syaoran's eyes moved about, till it rested on the letter. It was Sakura's wedding vows, written with her own hands, now soaked in his blood. His injured hand reached for it, reopening several of the older wounds.

  
**flashback**   


While standing besides the freshly dug grave, Syaoran gazed sadly at the tombstone. **Sakura Kinomoto; The brightest point of light in our lives. She will be greatly missed.** Those words pierced his heart. So engrossed in thought was he, that he didn't notice Tomoyo standing behind him until she tapped his shoulder. Syaoran slowly turned, then faced Tomoyo. He noticed her puffy red eyes from crying too much, and also the dark circles under her eyes. After the accident, Tomoyo was filled with guilt and blamed herself that it was because of her that Sakura died. Syaoran did feel that it was Tomoyo's fault in a way. She was with Sakura when they were in the accident.

  


"Sakura-chan, told me to give this to you before they took her into surgery." With that, Tomoyo walked away. In Syaoran's hand was a pastel pink stationary, and on the outside it said 'Wedding Vows.' When he opened it up, the words on the paper made his eyes fill with tears.

  
**end flashback**   


He picked up the pink stationary, and read the familiar words outloud:

  
_**Thank you for days with no regrets.   
Thank you for eternal love.   
No matter how far apart we may be   
you are my home._

  
Even after we part, I will live   
transformed in to the flames in your heart.   
On late nights when the weight   
of the journey is hard   
let me warm a corner of your life.

  
***There won't be anything else, only you   
Forever Love Forever Dream   
At this rate, stay close like this   
Hold my heart which trembles in the bright night   
Ah Will you stay with me   
Until the wind passes   
More than anyone else, stay close to me.

  
--Sakura Kinomoto   


Syaoran suddenly broke down crying on the blood stained carpet. Crying from the sadness of losing the love of a lifetime, and shame of how his love would react to what he did to himself this night.

  


He picked up the dagger, the sharp edge gleaming red with blood in the moonlight. Syaoran then raised it above his head. A whispered prayer. Blood.

_  
*I wish I could have given you life.   
But why is it that I alone am alive like this?   
Look down, please, from somewhere in   
the sky, on this way of life   
that does not embarrass you._

  
  
  
**Author's Note:** Sorry to all you Syaoran fans, but he had to die *gets pelted with rotten fruit*. HEY! It's MY story and I can do whatever I want with it *notices the various weapons in the readers' hands*.... Gotta go! *runs off the stage*   
* "Alone In a White Arctic Night" from Arcadia of My Youth   
** "Last Song of the Starry Night Sky" from Arcadia of My Youth   
*** "Forever Love" by X-Japan (highly recommended) 


End file.
